It never ceases to amaze me how, as I get older, not only did my Father get wiser but soon his words were somehow passing through my lips. I buried my Father back in 1993. I would like to say he was a great man but in the end he was just a man who was great to me.
He was a "square headed German" who was raised with, and tried to pass along, old world, traditional values. He was a hard disciplinarian that yelled and spanked, and his sons all feared him. In fact if he were alive today he'd be considered an abusive parent but in reality he was the perfect role model. Or anti-role model if you will. He taught us that along with parenthood came responsibility, with marriage came commitment, with any task worth doing came the obligation to do that task the best you can, and take pride in doing it.
So many lessons he taught us. Sometime the example he provided was the blueprint and sometime we knew that to be the best we had to do the exact opposite. My sister and brothers loved their Father but often held him in disdain. Because he was hard, he was not very loving, and he was rarely forgiving.
Being the youngest I had certain advantages my siblings did not. First I was a "blow out" baby and by the time I came along my parent had long past the point of micro managing their children. That didn't make them bad parents but it did afford me a unique perspective of my Mom and Dad that none of my siblings had. There were countless things I never got to do as a result of my brothers blazing the trail before me. And on the other hand there were several things I got to do because my folks were tired of fighting the battle. Mom was actually a push over but then I was here "baby" until the day she died in 2002, but Dad and I we evolved.
I saw my Dad for who he was and what he tried to accomplish. I can recall at various points in time having the same conversation with both of my brothers. Talking about our childhood and having them say they would never be like Dad. It was usually at that point that I'd ask them if they felt they were good parents, and they said yes, and then I'd ask are they happy with the way they turned out, and again they replied, yes, for the most part. It would be at that point that I'd respond "well, he taught you well" and they both looked at me like I had a second head. I went onto explain their Father was the role model that they fashioned their own brand of parenthood after. They copied the good things and did the exact opposite of the bad things....and when the two were combined they were both damn good parents. And whether they liked it or not, their Father played a big role in it.
I'd tell them Dad yells because he cares, caring has never been the issue, the way he communicates has. I'll never forget the time about a year before my Dad passed away he and I had a disagreement over the phone and we yelled at each other. Then there was this silence and I knew he was regretting some of the things he said. I spoke up and said " Pop, I gotta get going but I want you to know something. We just disagreed and it's doubtful that our opinions on this will change, but that's ok. You're still my Dad, I still love you, and we'll be talking again the same time next week, ok?" I could here him choke back a tear and said "Sure Son, I love you too. Have a good week". He was sure that I would hold a grudge because that's what we did in my family. Little did he know I was more like the milkman, ok that's a joke, more like my Mom. Things rolled off me and I could look at them from all sides of the issue.
Dad passed along so much. I thank he and my Mom daily for molding me the way they did, and some day, God willing, I can pass some of this wisdom along to my own son. The echo of some of his favorite sayings haunt me on a regular basis and from time to time you'll see me share them. Saying like: "if I could buy back time, I'd be a rich man", or his favorite with me was: "the day you learn to think with your head and not with your heart, you'll be a success". I never learned that lesson, but in the end I think he learned that thinking with your heart was what made me who I am.
I think today the thing that shocks me is when I hear my Dads word fly out of my mouth. A few months ago I was discussing todays music with my lady LJ and I heard these words: All of this rock today sounds the same. I'm pretty sure the old man was looking down laughing his ass off. As for me, I shook my head and remembered that these are the echos of my Father.
He was a "square headed German" who was raised with, and tried to pass along, old world, traditional values. He was a hard disciplinarian that yelled and spanked, and his sons all feared him. In fact if he were alive today he'd be considered an abusive parent but in reality he was the perfect role model. Or anti-role model if you will. He taught us that along with parenthood came responsibility, with marriage came commitment, with any task worth doing came the obligation to do that task the best you can, and take pride in doing it.
So many lessons he taught us. Sometime the example he provided was the blueprint and sometime we knew that to be the best we had to do the exact opposite. My sister and brothers loved their Father but often held him in disdain. Because he was hard, he was not very loving, and he was rarely forgiving.
Being the youngest I had certain advantages my siblings did not. First I was a "blow out" baby and by the time I came along my parent had long past the point of micro managing their children. That didn't make them bad parents but it did afford me a unique perspective of my Mom and Dad that none of my siblings had. There were countless things I never got to do as a result of my brothers blazing the trail before me. And on the other hand there were several things I got to do because my folks were tired of fighting the battle. Mom was actually a push over but then I was here "baby" until the day she died in 2002, but Dad and I we evolved.
I saw my Dad for who he was and what he tried to accomplish. I can recall at various points in time having the same conversation with both of my brothers. Talking about our childhood and having them say they would never be like Dad. It was usually at that point that I'd ask them if they felt they were good parents, and they said yes, and then I'd ask are they happy with the way they turned out, and again they replied, yes, for the most part. It would be at that point that I'd respond "well, he taught you well" and they both looked at me like I had a second head. I went onto explain their Father was the role model that they fashioned their own brand of parenthood after. They copied the good things and did the exact opposite of the bad things....and when the two were combined they were both damn good parents. And whether they liked it or not, their Father played a big role in it.
I'd tell them Dad yells because he cares, caring has never been the issue, the way he communicates has. I'll never forget the time about a year before my Dad passed away he and I had a disagreement over the phone and we yelled at each other. Then there was this silence and I knew he was regretting some of the things he said. I spoke up and said " Pop, I gotta get going but I want you to know something. We just disagreed and it's doubtful that our opinions on this will change, but that's ok. You're still my Dad, I still love you, and we'll be talking again the same time next week, ok?" I could here him choke back a tear and said "Sure Son, I love you too. Have a good week". He was sure that I would hold a grudge because that's what we did in my family. Little did he know I was more like the milkman, ok that's a joke, more like my Mom. Things rolled off me and I could look at them from all sides of the issue.
Dad passed along so much. I thank he and my Mom daily for molding me the way they did, and some day, God willing, I can pass some of this wisdom along to my own son. The echo of some of his favorite sayings haunt me on a regular basis and from time to time you'll see me share them. Saying like: "if I could buy back time, I'd be a rich man", or his favorite with me was: "the day you learn to think with your head and not with your heart, you'll be a success". I never learned that lesson, but in the end I think he learned that thinking with your heart was what made me who I am.
I think today the thing that shocks me is when I hear my Dads word fly out of my mouth. A few months ago I was discussing todays music with my lady LJ and I heard these words: All of this rock today sounds the same. I'm pretty sure the old man was looking down laughing his ass off. As for me, I shook my head and remembered that these are the echos of my Father.
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